Ever Get the Feeling He's Just Not That Into You?

The False Negotiator. Like a scurrilous villain, cloaked in darkness, the false negotiator follows an abusive path to thwart meaningful resolution. The false negotiator goes through the motions, wasting everyone’s time and money, with no intent of participating in a negotiated resolution. The false negotiator is just not that into settlement….

As noted by Harvard University’s esteemed Program on Negotiation, false negotiators believe that their best alternative to a negotiated agreement is superior to any offer the other side could possibly make. Yet they also believe that to sustain or improve that best alternative, they must go through the motions of negotiations.

How best to identify the false negotiator? By active listening. While the false negotiator will often times sound simply like a “tough negotiator”, careful analysis can provide clues. “Negotiators who dominate the conversation not only pass up opportunities to create value with collaborative counterparts but also are unlikely to notice when a counterpart is allowing time to slip away and failing to fully engage in reaching agreement. Exploring the other side’s interests by asking lots of questions should lead you to a better understanding of what he wants—and whether he thinks you can provide it.”

A skilled mediator should help to shine the light on a party’s true motivations and not merely serve as a glorified carrier pigeon.

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